Okay. Okay. This is certainly not the first thing that, I should not have done as a parent, but It did inspire me to start a list.
If your two year old has to have a tooth pulled ... for the love of God! Do not feed him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the next day. Especially if you didn't sleep the night before and you just extended your trip to the zoo because you're experimenting with a new schedule. It's WAY past nap time and neither of you are in the mood for a bonus challenge. You see, that vacant hole was just sitting there, waiting to be plugged with mushy peanut butter coated bread. He'll freak out. You're tired and will say something stupid, like, "Dude. Just drink some water." He'll freak out more and you'll stick a frustrated finger into his sore mouth and pull the goo out. Then, you'll drop him in his crib for, what you hope is, an extra long nap.
Then you'll be left alone in silence wondering, "What the hell is wrong with me? He just needed my help. Why did I get so frustrated?" You'll feel bad, then you'll realize that it wasn't your fault. It was those fucking priests! Yeah, I said, those fucking priests! AND that stupid wine social they hold every month. Yesterday, while your wifey was eating truffles and gulping glasses of wine, your solo ten hour shift turned into a ten and 3/4 hour shift. You're just more exhausted than usual, don't sweat it. A long weekend approaches—book yourself a cottage on the Cape. Ummm ... by yourself.
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