When your household includes a Celiac diseased glutard, a persnickety two year old, and a crunchy crust loving wifey—who has a fancy job and like twelve lunch meetings a week—let me tell you, folks, buying bread ain't that easy! Three types of bread for three people! That's only going to result in waste. There is nothing I hate more than waste, especially when it involves food. So many hungry people in the world ...
I'm simple, I buy the only shitty bread that I can eat. And I eat it all. But the other two mouths just can't agree and every week too much bread goes in the garbage can. It's bad enough that I can't help them enjoy their breads, but having to throw it away. Shit! What I'd give to eat either of their bread selections.
This morning, I went to feed my people and like so many other households in the world, ours was without bread. Well, without the kind containing glutenous goodness anyway. Actually I lie, there were two types of glutenous bread, they were just covered in mold. AND for the fist time this week, my wifey needed lunch. I had:
1/2lb of provolone
1/2lb of turkey
1/2lb of ham
1/4lb of cheddar
1/4lb of roast beef
1/4lb of salami
1 can of tuna fish
See what I mean, PERSNICKETY! But no God damn bread! The wifey came downstairs and gave me a look that suggested, "What the fuck have you been doing? Where is my lunch?" Okay, perhaps I projected that look. I just looked at her and said, "Sorry dude. I've got no lunch for you today." I felt like such a failure.
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