The Stink.
I just need ten minutes to shave, shower, and trim
these God damn eyebrows that are poking me in the eyeballs. Is that too
much to ask for? Ummm. Yes. I know. I know. Why don't I shower at night
once the wifey is home from work? Well ... After I've made supper,
cleaned the kitchen, picked up the toys, and walked the dog—I slump down
into a chair, and quite frankly, I forget that this moment is my only
opportunity to rid myself of this horrible stench.
I'm
not sure, but I think today is Thursday. And I'm pretty sure that I
haven't bathed since Sunday. In fact, I'm pretty sure that today I
changed my clothes for the first time since Sunday. Yuck.
While
the lil' man and I were at the park this morning, I really thought that
someone was going to offer me spare change. Hmmmm. Maybe I'm on to
something. Maybe this is how the lil' man and I grow "his" matchbox
collection.
The wall.
It's official. At 2pm every
Thursday I hit a wall of exhaustion unlike anything I've ever
experienced. I drink coffee. I drink Diet Coke. I splash cold water on
my face. But I still feel empty nothingness. Do other stay-at-home
parents hit a wall like this? And by stay-at-home parents, I mean full
time stay-at-home parents. No nanny. No part time daycare. No baby
sitter. No family assistance. Yes, I know Rathbun, I chose/choose this
path, you don't have to point it out. I'm not complaining. I'm just
trying to figure it out.
I wonder if I'm just too
old? Not cut out for this? Maybe there is something to the ol' saying
"It takes a village to raise a child" and I'm just crazy for thinking I
can do this. Might it be that I'm just a sissy?
I'd
like to think that I've tested my capacity for exhaustion. I've hiked
glaciers. I've sat
through boring lecture after boring lecture. I've picked rocks. I've
built stone walls. I've watched all of Peter Greenaway's films. I've spent endless hours grinding paint off a house. I
drove for 42 straight hours from San Fransisco to Portland. None of
which exhausted me as much as this 30lb bundle of spunk.
I
know that I'll bounce back on Friday morning. But ... What if, in those
few exhausted hours, I fall asleep and something tragic happens? What
if I have a lapse in judgment while at the park? This lil' man is my
world. I don't know if I'd be able to go on if something happened to
him, especially on my watch. I dream about this and it scares the shit
out of me.
Do you really "grow" a collection? Or do you add to it? Using grow to describe expansion annoys me to no end.
ReplyDeleteJason, I am in a similar boat to you. I am the only at home person during the day for at least 4 days every week - and I do this on top of having a job where I work at night. I spend a lot of time trying to "nap when they nap." I get up after about 3 or 4 hours of sleep and I get about 10 minutes to get up to speed. Then we spend the day (from 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.) playing, eating and - hope, hope, hope - napping. And then I take a shower and head to work - where I also eat (most days). I'm not saying it's worse or that you don't have it so bad, I'm just saying that I feel your pain. We do this so that we can avoid sending those little tykes to daycare (and so we can avoid the cost) and on most days it's worth it - but on some days it's the must frustrating job on Earth.
ReplyDeleteGosh. In know way am I trying to suggest that I have it easier or harder than anyone else. I'm only trying to tell stories (in my sarcastic way) about what this experiences is like for me. One thing is for certain, I'm feel very fortunate and grateful that I get to have this experience.
ReplyDeleteI did the part time stay-at-home/go to work thing and it was exhausting. The full time stay-at-home thing is exhausting. But, in my humble opinion, neither compare to when I was doing the full time stay-at-home/take the kid to work thing. That was insane.
Gosh :-) I wasn't either.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to get to do it as well. At times it's brutal but it's still happy days. I like reading about someone else doing it too.